Monday, April 4, 2011

Big mouth… hurt feelings.

I got my feelings hurt today. I realized that a committee of which I’m supposed to be a part (the newest part) had a meeting today, and I wasn’t included. I found this out by chance as I was pushing Blair around town to do some errands.

It was like a punch in the gut. I was really hurt. And my paranoid self immediately thought that I had done something wrong to warrant being left out. You see, I do those type things sometimes… stick my foot in my mouth, say too much, give a suggestion when I should just bite my tongue, think my way is better… I could go on. Maybe I’m on the right track by at least realizing these things I do?

You know that confrontation thing I mentioned… well I really didn’t mean to confront anyone, but while walking today I saw a committee member, and it reminded me that I needed to ask when we were supposed to get started with some of this year’s projects. As I was saying hello and asking, more committee members arrived. Ooooh, this is a meeting? Then it was explained to me that they just thought I was too busy. I am, but I’d certainly like to be given a chance to say that. This was a group top which I was excited about contributing.

Maybe it’s true they thought I was too busy, or maybe I just showed them too much of my blunt self. I was a new member of an already established committee whose members had been together for several years. Maybe new folks aren’t what they need… or maybe it’s just they don’t need me! The thoughts that go through my head… I can quickly create a whole scenario about how I ruined something. I appear to be a really secure person, but that’s not always the case!

All I could think was that I offended someone the last time I suggested a way for something to be done. Brad says it doesn’t matter if what I suggested made more sense, sometimes folks just don’t want to hear it – and I can’t change them. He’s right. He says I need to learn to keep my mouth shut when what I say is not going to make a difference. He’s right. (Ahem. I just said my husband was right. Twice. This needs to be recorded. Well I guess it is – right here for everyone to see!)

I reminded them that I wanted to participate, so I guess we’ll see what happens. In the meantime, I’ll work harder on keeping my mouth shut.

5 comments:

Amy said...

so sorry you got your feelings hurt - that is a hard thing! i'm not one for confrontation, either.

i'm doing a bible study right now "battlefield of the mind" on how our thoughts can really get us carried away and make us insecure/anxious/worried/angry, etc....
it's really made me think about not just what i say, but what i THINK. i have to consciously take my thoughts captive, because otherwise, I can seriously let my mind go crazy with all the what if's, coulda, shoulda, woulda's, etc. anyway - all that to say, don't let those insecure thoughts get the best of you especially when you know you have the right to have your voice heard just as much as the next person/member! thinking of you! :)

Julia said...

Ash- I hate that you got your feeling hurt. I think that you are just passionate about what you believe and there is no need to be punished for that. You can be on any committee with me!

Trey said...

My rule of thumb when I join a new committee or board is to just listen for at least the first three meetings. Get a feel for how they work. By then you should know if you can make a difference or if your ideas will be well received. Good luck cuz!

AA said...

Oh Ash! I'm sorry. Whether or not they thought you said too much, you are a part of the committee and should have been invited. Rude!! And agree with Jules...you are a passionate woman. Smile! Let go and Let God and just move forward. ;)

CHERI said...

I very much agree with what Trey said but I also agree that these people were rather rude in not at least giving you the opportunity to say you were too busy. Unfortunately some small towns have difficulty including new people. It was that way for us when we moved to FL...the people were very clannish. It wasn't that way when we moved here but it still took awhile to find my niche. Try not to let it get to you too much....if they are not open to new people, then it's their problem. If you decide you did say or do something you shouldn't have, then you can always apologize and they should forgive.