I got my feelings hurt today. I realized that a committee of which I’m supposed to be a part (the newest part) had a meeting today, and I wasn’t included. I found this out by chance as I was pushing Blair around town to do some errands.
It was like a punch in the gut. I was really hurt. And my paranoid self immediately thought that I had done something wrong to warrant being left out. You see, I do those type things sometimes… stick my foot in my mouth, say too much, give a suggestion when I should just bite my tongue, think my way is better… I could go on. Maybe I’m on the right track by at least realizing these things I do?
You know that confrontation thing I mentioned… well I really didn’t mean to confront anyone, but while walking today I saw a committee member, and it reminded me that I needed to ask when we were supposed to get started with some of this year’s projects. As I was saying hello and asking, more committee members arrived. Ooooh, this is a meeting? Then it was explained to me that they just thought I was too busy. I am, but I’d certainly like to be given a chance to say that. This was a group top which I was excited about contributing.
Maybe it’s true they thought I was too busy, or maybe I just showed them too much of my blunt self. I was a new member of an already established committee whose members had been together for several years. Maybe new folks aren’t what they need… or maybe it’s just they don’t need me! The thoughts that go through my head… I can quickly create a whole scenario about how I ruined something. I appear to be a really secure person, but that’s not always the case!
All I could think was that I offended someone the last time I suggested a way for something to be done. Brad says it doesn’t matter if what I suggested made more sense, sometimes folks just don’t want to hear it – and I can’t change them. He’s right. He says I need to learn to keep my mouth shut when what I say is not going to make a difference. He’s right. (Ahem. I just said my husband was right. Twice. This needs to be recorded. Well I guess it is – right here for everyone to see!)
I reminded them that I wanted to participate, so I guess we’ll see what happens. In the meantime, I’ll work harder on keeping my mouth shut.